USA

“My ex-boyfriend and I met when we were living in East Harlem seven years ago. He was an attorney with a secret binge-drinking problem that revealed itself over the course of our five-year relationship. It started with disappearances, presents for strange women, vodka bottles hidden in places I could not reach, verbal abuse, punching walls and increasing irresponsibility. He would always explain it away with ‘sorry, I was drunk.’

My wake-up call came during our fourth year together. He couldn‘t find his wallet at 03.00 am for his liquor run and was convinced I had hidden his vodka supply. He shoved me to the floor, got on top of me and started choking me. Unlike the other times, he didn‘t stop. He said I would be dead by the time the police arrived. I managed to kick him off me, fight back and barricade myself in the bedroom. He eventually found money for vodka.

Most of the time, only male police responded to the calls that my neighbors or I made. Even with red marks on my neck and face, they wouldn‘t charge him. He was able to manipulate them into thinking that he was out of work, in a bad economy, with a money hungry girlfriend who wanted him to work and he was having a bad week. They‘d tell me to let him sleep it off. The best help they could offer was to tell me to leave the home that I was fully paying for and go to a relative‘s, a friend‘s or a shelter. The police Chief even called me to tell me stop calling and said that this was a personal problem for couples to deal with alone and not a police problem.

One night, a female police officer came to the house. She didn‘t walk away. She was livid. She took me aside and gave me step-by-step instructions on how to evict him, file an order of protection and then an eventual restraining order. She promised to serve him personally. She was the only one who helped and pushed me to act.

One day, when he drank and flew 1151 miles to Florida because he wanted to see a childhood friend, I changed the locks to the apartment, blocked his number, and communicated with him only through email. Although everything got better after he left, on my way home I used to worry he would jump out of the bushes and strangle me. I would bar doors and double check under my bed, inside closets and on the fire escapes outside my window, to make sure he hadn‘t snuck back into the apartment. I still check homeless, drunk people in subways to make sure that they are not him. I am still paying off debt for damages he caused to my home.

Even in New York City, most affordable legal aid and support programs for people trapped in domestic violence are limited. Navigating web resources for legal aid, safe house options, and counseling is daunting for exhausted and stressed women living in abuse. Women with children will spend money on motels before ending up on the streets and often times end up picking more dangerous options to support their families. Prevention starts with better options for those trying to leave domestic violence so they don‘t fall through the cracks.”

Leilei is a Digital Analyst for United Nations Development Progamme.

UNDP convened an independent body called The Global Commission on HIV and the Law to interrogate the relationship between legal responses, human rights and HIV. Following two years of extensive research, consultation, analysis and deliberation on the links between legal environments and HIV responses, the Commission released a report that acknowledged the role of gender-based violence amongst other issues, such as harmful traditional practices and discriminatory age of consent laws, in contributing to the disproportionate vulnerability of young women and adolescent girls. As a follow-up to the recommendations of the commission, UNDP has developed proposals to support countries in advancing the findings and recommendations for a better response to young women and adolescent girls’ exceptional vulnerability.

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